Time Away

Time Away

Having BiPolar and being a carer has brought me to burnout land. I needed a time out from life and wanted to be around farm animals while I relax and recharge.
The “farm” I booked in Hartley has a beautiful setting. Cute little room. The most comfortable firm bed ever! Great little kitchen. Quiet and lovely room.
When I asked the young lady at main house if there was a schedule for seeing the animals she looked at me like I was bonkers and informed me there were chickens and mini ponies around the back and I could go whenever.
So no cows, no goats, no sheep, no emu like the website had said. 🙁
Ponies cute and friendly. And one shlomo, chickens and I aren’t friends. What was the point? How is this a farm stay?

I guess sleep will be the main activity here. But I can sleep at home. I need to be with animals. Ahhhh.


Last night I did some research and found another farm near Oberon that has animals you can interact with but has a 2 night minimum stay.
I emailed the place asking if I could come for the day and pay a bit. The lovely guy on the end of the email said he would ask the owners and get back to me.
At 8am I got an email saying yes I could visit today and the owner was expecting me. Woooo. How exciting.
This trip was about relaxing alone but it was also about having some time with farm animals. So now I get both.
Perhaps next time I will stay directly on the other farm but let’s see how today goes.

4 hours later
There is magic in animals, nature and the kindness of strangers.
100 acres of green lush mountains. The lovely owner greeted me warmly, refused payment and pointed me in the direction of the animals and the feed and let me be. Perfect.
I strolled from one section to another: feeding and chatting to goats and sheep. Attempting to pat a cow and searching for the alpacas.
I walked along the path and saw the cabins that I will stay in when I DEFINITELY come back. I looked at the trees and the green and the 360° views of the mountains. I listened to the different types of birds chattering. I smelled the clean fresh air, I felt the sweat drip down my face and I tasted the water from my bottle.
It was hot out but worth the walk to see this amazing place.
The night before I had written a plan for my own perfect farm and it was like someone had taken that and put it in Duckmaloi.
I went back to the goats, they had been following my every move. I even got fought over and the female went under my legs and tore my pants and I laughed. Now I am on a real farm! Lucky I didn’t wear good clothes. On the way back to the car I saw the deer. She was the most magical thing I have ever seen. She let me pat her and thank her.
I spent a bit more time with the owner and was on my way.

The owners on Duckmaloi Farm let a total stranger come into their property and pat their animals. They have no idea how much they helped me just by being kind. I will always be grateful.

So here it comes, my highest recommendation for anyone who needs to escape their world and enter the most beautiful, magical place in the mountains.
Ask for Steve.
Tell him Tash sent you 🙂

Back’s not Back

Back’s not back

Spending the last few months taking care of everyone else and not myself has backfired. Along with burnout my back has now gone out. I can barely walk/stand/sit. The pain is horrid. This has happened many times since my late 20’s and has bed ridden me for months in the past until finally a specialist sent me for a cortisone injection. This time limited solution worked a treat but needs top ups.

I thought I was done with my chronic back pain but I guess it never really goes away.
Now I have to choose if I want to top up the cortisone or become a slave to codeine. Neither option is good for me but this pain is unbearable and I can’t spend 6 months in bed again.

To do or not to do

To do or not to do – that is your choice.
Before you choose to do something nice for someone else accept that they may not show appreciation or thank you personally and they may not do anything for you in return.

Doing something nice for someone is nice for you, but do it for the right reasons and without expectations.

If you have no expectations you rarely get disappointed. If you have high hopes they can be crushed.

Take care of you before/during/after taking care of someone else.

You are important to me. You are appreciated and you matter. And I say that without any expectations of a reply just because it is how I feel and wanted you to know. 😘

People Always Leave

People Always Leave

In “One Tree Hill” it is said that people always leave. I find this to be true in terms of friends.
I have had friends who use me, friends who get too busy, friends who are too full on leading me to choose to sacrifice my mental health or tell them which leads to them leaving, friends who say they will always be there but lie or forget, friends who can’t handle when I’m not doing well, friends with kids, friends who bully, friends who stay for a while but eventually like all the others leave.

I sometimes have to leave a friendship to put myself first.

I sometimes miss the ones who left. Sometimes not so much.

I have abandoned issues and therefore think everyone will leave without any signs they will and the paranoia leads them to leave.

I often need closure. If someone leaves without saying goodbye or explaining why, I become obsessed with finding out.

Perhaps I have to accept that I won’t have long lasting friendships. And that’s ok.

This is my experience. I’m not saying BiPolarians don’t have friends. Just my own personal experience.

Does anyone else struggle keeping friends?



“Help, I need somebody’s help, not just anybody’s help”
The Beatles – they asked for help not everyone does.

Very often you cannot help someone who doesn’t want help. Even if they need it.

Be there. Give non-judgement, unconditional love and support.

You may not feel like you are helping but sticking around in someone’s darkest moments is helping. Listening to midnight rants is helping. Sending a text to check in is helping. Sitting with them in silence is helping. Distracting them with a movie is helping. Cooking a nice meal is helping. Giving a shit is helping.

People may not ask for help but if you feel someone you care about needs it, don’t offer to help just help by being there and work your way up and maybe when they really need it they will come to you and say “please help me”.