‘The Crow’ said it right: “It can’t rain all the time”
Suicidal thoughts are often fleeting and unfortunately reoccurring.
I think about it almost everyday. Even happy days. Late at night when the house sleeps, I think of how and when and where but I can’t. I love my folks more than myself and couldn’t hurt them so much.
My brain and body have been trying to kill me for years but I fight and now I help others fight. I feel like a hypocrite and a fraud. I talk people off the ledge and yet look over the edge with longing eyes.
How can I help people if I can’t help myself? I know the tricks and the right things to say but who am I to tell someone not to “opt out” if they want that more than anything?
Those few moments of pure happiness or hysterical laughter and the thought of them happening again keep me strong.
When I’m in the darkness I run those words through my head “It can’t rain all the time” to remind myself “this too shall pass” and all the other cliches.
They are right, as dark as it gets there are happy moments in life that we have to hang on to and enjoy when they come, before the darkness comes back.