There are levels to suicidal thoughts, in my opinion.
I can get quite dark and think about life being pointless and horrible and have a fleeting thought of opting out so I will stop myself and do something: paint, draw, write, anything to distract the thoughts.
The next level for me is darker thoughts; heavier, all I can think about is how, when and where and then guilt of those I’d leave behind. This is when I have to get into water: a pool, a bath, a shower or even hold an ice cube. This works for me may not for you.
The next level is hysterical tears, no sleep, my heart hurts, my brain is black and I am staring at my “tools” and so close: this is red alert. Call parents/best friend/000
I have been hospitalised at both private and public hospitals and each have good and bad qualities, but at the end of the day they saved my life.
“;” that symbol means so much more to us who suffer with these horrid thoughts. “My story isn’t over yet”
Draw the semicolon on your wrist and look at it every time you want to die and remember: you are not alone, things will get better and your story isnt over yet.